October was interesting month.

After several years of thumbing his nose at me, the law, his family, his children, and pretty much anyone else who follows the basic tenets of society, the X was arrested on a warrant that I'd requested.

I'm beginning to understand why the government tends to fall back on tax related charges when going after mobsters and other hard to catch bad guys. It's pretty concrete. Failure to pay child support is pretty cut and dry, even if one has the chutzpah to try and explain to the judge that the ex-wife had received her half of the equity in the house and therefore one shouldn't have to pay child support for one's 4 children 8 years after the equity payout.

Really. I did pick a winner, ladies. Of all the marvelous possibilities I've considered for the second half of my life, matchmaker is definitely not among them.

While the X spent most of November in jail, we were free of multiple daily phone calls, random packages and 'gifts' being left on the doorstep or on my car, the delightful situation of the X repeatedly 'running out of gas' in front of the house as he 'happened' to be driving by, myriad custody order violations that the police repeatedly informed me they couldn't help with but I could request a hearing in front of a judge, the endless irrational emails contesting EVERYTHING. Or as a family member of his said: "At least when he's in jail, you'll have a break from the harrassment".

Indeed. Because low grade harrassment can drag on for quite sometime before the authorities might consider taking it seriously. Failure to support one's children, though, that gets their attention. 

 In NH, the bail requested for a child support contempt capias goes directly to pay off some of the child support arrearages. At the hearing, the nonpaying parent's given an opportunity to make some phone calls for the express purpose of hounding friends and family for enough money to stay out of jail. "Hey, can you loan me $3,500 so I don't go to jail today? Why? I'm waaaaay behind on child support and your posting bail helps me catch up on my child support obligations and has the added benefit of providing food and clothing for my children. C'mon, it's the holidays, support someone else's family."  

 Ok, the caller's never that honest. I know this after listening in on many, many such calls the morning of a show cause hearing 2 weeks ago. "Jimmy, I got most of the money I need to stay outta jail and if you lend me the last $300, I'll pay ya back tonight." Remarkable how so many non-paying parents can suddenly find the money when presented with jail.

Show cause hearings are an endless parade of lame excuses the judge refuses to suffer: "You're on welfare and are only obligated to pay $50 a month for 4 children? Do I understand that correctly? $50 a month for 4 children and you've chosen not to pay? Let's do the math: $50 divided by 4 weeks is $12.50 a week divided by 4 children is....$3.12 a child. That doesn't even buy a gallon of milk for that child and yet you've decided not to pay. There are two ways to leave this courtroom, sir. The doors in the front lead to freedom. The doors on the left go directly to Valley St (jail). You go make some phone calls and try to come up with the money you need to leave through the front doors. Otherwise you're going to jail."

Other that the dollar amount in question, the first hearing for the X played out much like that one. They all do. While waiting to be called at the second hearing, I listened to the judge berate quite a few non paying dads while they stared at the X in shackles. This time, though, the judge freed the X. Before we all get all sorts of indignant, hear me out. The judge is no nonsense former Marine who praised the fact that I'm raising 4 kids without child support or any sort of public assistance and acknowleged that I was rightfully bitter and frustrated and then pointed out that sending the X right back to jail wouldn't afford him an opportunity to pay his arrearages. And, I agree, he's right about that. So,  X was released with two weeks to meet a number of stringent conditions. If he fails to meet any of them, he goes back to jail.

 It's unfortunate we've reached this point but after spending nearly a month in jail, X's finally begun to appreciate reason. So, we'll see.

 

Comments

[Cookie]

Oh, honey. I hope this time he has learned a lesson and gets (& keeps) his crap together. It's a shame he will never know what a good woman you are.

[Lynn]

You really are extraordinary, you know. I know it feels like you just get through the days, but seriously: extraordinary. Remember that.

[enjay]

I'm so glad that your "winner" is starting to see the light. We got a check last Friday for current support, nothing on the past due though, so I'm rather interested in observing what the court will do to pry my "winners" eyes open. I hope the harassment is over for you though.